Spirituality

Blue Like Tony

Cathy LaGrow 30 Comments

I learned today that Tony died.

To be honest, I didn’t exactly remember his name, although it was printed on the employee tag that he’d always worn. But when the baby and I went to the grocery store, after dropping off my oldest at preschool, I saw a display set up, blocking check stand 13.

I stood off to the side for a minute, staring at the flower bouquets, the framed photographs, the cards and pieces of paper taped up, words scrawled across them. A lady was standing in front of it with her cart, staring at everything. I waited until she moved away.

As she left, our eyes met; hers had that grave look of solidarity that people get when something bad has happened, in the news. Can you believe it? Isn’t it terrible?

That’s when I realized: someone had died. As I got closer to the largest photograph, I thought Uh-oh…I hope that’s not who I think it is.

It was. It was the tall man with the gray hair and mustache and the paunchy belly, the one who always smiled at you and kept up a cheerful patter and joked with your boys, even when they gave him that silent, sober stare that toddlers are so good at. The man who remembered little things about you. The friendliest cashier that the grocery store had. Continue reading →

What the Monk Said

Cathy LaGrow 29 Comments

PART THREE (the conclusion)

(To start at the beginning of my monastery journey, you can read Part One, here. Part Two can be found here.)

A man stands talking to the monk, but as soon as he leaves, I make a beeline for the desk. I have planned my opening line. One of the bookstore shelves had a small card on it, printed with the endorsement: “Brother Martin’s Favorites – ask him why!”

“Are you Brother Martin?” I ask.

I don’t think he is, of course – the monks take turns manning the desk, so I have about a one in twenty-five chance – but it’s the best icebreaker I can think up.

To my surprise, he smiles and nods his head. “I am.”

Here we go. Continue reading →

Silent Meals, Reading, and the Worst. Map. Ever.

Cathy LaGrow 7 Comments

PART TWO

(If you missed Part One, and you don’t know why I’m spending my 40th birthday in a monastery, you can read about it here.)

I don’t sleep well that night, of course. I rarely do; and here, the floors are creaky and the bed is small. I futz around, moving furniture, rearranging pillows, nearly knocking the crucifix from the wall once, when I flail around with extra blankets.

The monks gather in the chapel for Vigils at 4:15 a.m. I do not join them. Continue reading →

Milestones and Monasteries

Cathy LaGrow 34 Comments

PART ONE

The sky threatens rain and is growing darker as I drive west, deep into wine country. It is the afternoon of my 40th birthday, and I will spend the next 48 hours largely in silence and solitude. Tomorrow will be my first day off in four-and-a-half long years; this trip is my husband’s surprise gift to me.

I am headed to a Trappist Monastery. And I could not have conjured up a more pleasing destination, at this moment of my life.

As a lifelong introvert, someone who craves silence and solitude, having babies and becoming a full-time mom has been an excruciating adjustment. Every moment of my life is now shared. Every minute brings a new demand. On the cusp of my 40th birthday, I feel about 80. I am exhausted and depleted. Continue reading →